You can’t win with a toxic person. Here are 25 signs you’re dealing with one.
I know for sure that once you’ll read all these 25 signs, the name of a certain person will pop into your mind. If they’re no longer in your life, you are lucky. Not everyone can cut ties with the toxic people around them. If you’re not sure, here are 25 signs you’re dealing with someone who will try their best to ruin your life.
1. They love to play the victim.
Toxic people always play the victim, even when it is their fault. They will use fake tears, lies, exaggerations, and spin everything to make you take the blame. Even when they mess up, somehow, you’re the one who ends up apologizing.
2. They DEMAND attention.
Toxic people need your undivided attention. So, if you dare include someone else in your life, they’ll throw tantrums, act jealous, and do anything to get the spotlight back on them. They’ll brag about things that never happened, or make up the craziest stories, to get back your attention.
3. They're abusive.
Toxic people are often abusive, both physically and emotionally. Usually both. When things don’t happen as they’d hoped, they just want to hurt you. They’ll destroy objects they know you like, intentionally insult you and hurt your feelings, or they can go as far as physically assaulting you.
4. They're judgmental of you and others.
Most toxic people act like they’re the most confident people in the world, but, in reality, they don’t feel good about themselves. So, to boost their own self-esteem, they try to put others down, by judging and pointing out their flaws. For instance, if you’re more successful than them, they’ll feel threatened, and they’ll tell you how much weight you’ve put on, or what an awful life you have.
5. They are never wrong.
Toxic people never admit it when they’re wrong. You can prove it to them, and they’ll just insult you to end the debate. They have the silliest arguments, and they’ll use emotional blackmail to get you to agree with them. “My mother told me this. You’re going to tell me that my dead Mother was wrong?” You can’t win them. They’ll tell you how to do your job, how to live your life, or how to treat your illness, because they know everything, and they’re always ‘right’.
6. They have no respect for anyone.
For toxic people, ‘respect’ is just a word they use against others in situations like: “If you don’t do this for me, that just means you have never respected me.” They have no respect for people, no matter who they are.
7. They never take responsibility.
Toxic people never take responsibility. It is never their fault. They always blame the Universe, society, or the very few people who care about them. If they get fired, the boss felt threatened by them. If they cheat, it was your fault for catching them. If they get into an accident while drinking and driving, it’s your fault for upsetting them. But their fault? Never.
8. They don't listen.
Toxic people always make you feel like you’re talking to a wall. And that’s because you usually are. They don’t listen to what you’re saying, because they don’t care. They will interrupt you, and change the subject, so it puts them in the center of attention.
9. They throw tantrums.
Exactly as toddlers do, when they don’t get what they want, toxic people will throw tantrums. But unlike little kids, they will insult, threaten, or guilt you into doing what they want. They will make a scene, cry, scream, and even throw themselves on the floor, just because you made other plans on Saturday.
10. They exploit others.
Toxic people treat people as servants. You are not a friend, but someone who does their chores. They will guilt you into doing their shopping, they’ll push you into driving them around, or play the victim to get you to pay for things.
11. They act like they're above everyone.
Everyone’s stupid, according to them. They are the smartest, most beautiful, and the best at their jobs. If they get fired, it’s because they were too smart. Everyone in their past is crazy, while they are just perfect. They are arrogant and disrespect everyone.
12. They bully and belittle others.
We all deserve to be treated with respect, and if someone in your life is constantly belittling you, they’re toxic. And they need to go. When someone gives constructive criticism, honest feedback, and something to help you grow, that’s good. But when they constantly trash you for their own entertainment, that’s not helpful, or fun. They are intentionally hurting because when you doubt your worth, they can manipulate and control you.
13. They disregard other people's feelings.
You know someone is toxic when they continuously ignore your wishes and feelings. They simply don’t care about how you feel. Their needs need to be attended to, and that’s all that matters to them. You are sick in bed? That shouldn’t stop you from taking them shopping, as they need new clothes NOW. They will insult you, then blame you for being so sensitive when you get upset. They will bully you, then laugh about you not knowing how to take a joke.
14. They are entitled.
Toxic people believe they deserve everything. They are entitled to your time and space, they demand free things, they expect others to pay for their expenses, they create scenes wherever they go, and HAVE TO see a manager almost everywhere. A toxic person is never satisfied and will complain, no matter what. They can sit on a toilet made of gold and will be unhappy because it’s not silver.
15. They expect constant admiration and obedience.
A toxic person brags all the time because they expect constant admiration. They want you to accept that they are in charge, superior, better looking, smarter, and a lot more successful. Even if in reality, they’re not. To make that happen, they will exaggerate ordinary events or even make up stories to support their ‘superiority’. All that is because they want followers and fans, not friends.
16. They lie. A lot.
In my group of friends, there used to be a person who made up the craziest stories. We obviously knew she was lying because they were unbelievable, but she’d insist they were true. When she was caught and exposed, she casually told us that she felt ignored, then blamed us for being bad friends. That’s what toxic people do. They lie to your face, and if you catch them, it’s your fault for pushing them to do it, or for catching them.
17. They accuse and blame you for reacting to their behavior.
When toxic people hurt your feelings, they never apologize. In their eyes, it’s your fault. You caught him cheating? It’s your fault for searching through his texts and invading his privacy. You caught her lying? It’s your fault for pushing her to lie. She insulted you and you got upset? It’s your fault for being so sensitive. Never. Their. Fault. And they will make you feel bad for your reaction by discrediting you and your feelings.
18. They try to change how others see you.
Toxic people want to be admired and appreciated, and they want everyone’s attention. In private, they’ll tell you how much you mean to them, how much they love you, and how great you are. Behind your back, they’ll tell people the opposite, laugh about your flaws, and try to make you look bad. They hope to look better by making you look bad. Also, by pushing people away from you, you can focus solely on their needs.
19. They have no respect for your time, space, or boundaries.
Toxic people will show up at your house and demand you accompany them somewhere, NOW. Even though you already had plans with your family, date night with your husband, or just resting. They don’t care.
20. They undermine your self-esteem.
You being confident doesn’t sit right with a toxic person. You can’t control someone who knows their value, someone who knows they are bright and beautiful. That’s why toxic people will continuously point out flaws, and tell you how dumb or ugly you are. “Be thankful I love you because no one else will.” – sounds familiar?
21. They go from nice to mean, with no warning or justification.
In the beginning, they act like you’re soulmates. They pretend to like everything you like, spoil you with compliments and gifts, and constantly tell you how amazing you are. They are the nicest. That’s the thing with toxic people. They make you feel you’ve found your soulmate. They claim you have so much in common! And after they’ve caught you, they start being mean.
Everything they said they loved about you is now unbearable to them. They start putting you down, and it sometimes feels like they’re doing it for fun. They change suddenly, without a warning or justification, breaking your heart for no reason.
22. They expect you to only focus on them.
Toxic people aren’t comfortable with you having others in your life. Slowly and subtly, they’ll distance you from all your friends and family, and keep you from meeting new people. After a while, you just find yourself alone, with just… them. They want your undivided attention. Also, they want to prevent others from telling you that you’re being manipulated, so they’ll push everyone out of your life.
23. They gossip.
This is one of the first signs someone is toxic. They tell you all kinds of nasty things about others, to make you dislike everyone but them. Also, they gossip to others about you, so you will have no other friends but them. They need you alone, so they can control you.
24. They are hypocrites.
Toxic people throw tantrums. If you ever do anything they don’t approve of, they make a huge scene, even though they do the very same thing… all the time. For example, if they ask you to take their car to the mechanic, and you refuse, they’ll start crying, guilt you into it, or accuse you of not being a good friend and never doing anything for them. Yet, if you ask them to do the same thing for you, they’ll just laugh and say ‘no’. If you are 3 minutes late, they’ll make a scene about you disrespecting them. But if they are 15 minutes late, they accuse you of being oversensitive for getting upset.
25. They only care about themselves.
Toxic people make you feel that you don’t matter. They only care about themselves, their money, their jobs, their wellbeing, their comfort, and their needs. In any relationship with a toxic person, whether is a romantic one, friendship, or a professional relationship, your needs and opinions will always come last.
And if you will be stuck long enough in a such relationship, after a while, it will start to feel normal. And you will put yourself last, too. But that’s not normal. You, your feelings, and your wishes matter, and you deserve respect and attention just like everyone else. If there’s anyone in your life making you feel like you don’t count, run. You matter.
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