Do you mind passing this brochure to everyone you know? Thank you. They deserve to know what’s coming up next.
Welcome to adulthood. The beautiful age you’ve been looking forward to, ever since you were a child. The age when you’ll finally be able to do whatever you want, without asking anyone for permission. The age when you’ll finally have your own money, freedom, house, and job of your dreams. Welcome. I hope you like ibuprofen.
Don’t worry, adulthood is exactly as advertised. You can do whatever you want. That, if you have any energy left. And your back doesn’t hurt. You can party whenever you want and you can drink all night (LOL). We’ve just got to warn you: hangovers last a lot more here. Remember when you were 20 and you drank all night, then you were hungover for a few hours the next day? Well, here’s a fun fact: hangovers last for DAYS here. Yes, days.
Here are some of the things to expect as you enter the lovely, just lovely, adulthood. Have fun!
1. Welcome to adulthood: You now make your own money.
Oh, financial freedom, how we’ve been longing for you. You now make your own money, which is great! But you know what else? You also receive your own bills. And they keep coming like you’re a billionaire or something. And you know what? That’s what you’ll be spending ‘your own money’ on, for the rest of your life. Hurray!
2. Welcome to adulthood: You're mature now.
Which is amazing. You no longer waste your energy on unnecessary drama like you used to. Oh, except you get mad when they rearrange your favorite store. Or when they cancel your favorite Friday evening Tv show.
3. Welcome to adulthood: You're responsible now.
You are the adult now! Try to remember all your childhood situations when you were supposed to go get an adult to solve something. Well, you’re one of those now. And unless there’s someone “adultier” than you, you’re up!
4. Welcome to adulthood: You can now do whatever you want.
You’re finally at that age when you can do whatever you want. Too bad you’re too tired to actually do it. This lovely time of your life would normally require many naps you can’t take because you have to work, so you can earn money and pay bills.
5. Welcome to adulthood: You can finally drink alcohol.
And not only you can drink alcohol, but you can do it whenever you please. Only you have to plan ahead, and take a week off afterward because, at this age, hangovers are hell. Not just a little headache and a bit of nausea. No, no! After a night of heavy drinking, you feel like calling a priest fast, because you may be dying.
6. Welcome to adulthood: You finally get to relax.
Because you have to. Everything hurts. Your back, your feet, your neck. After all these years, you now learn there is a WRONG way to sleep. Today you’re young and fun, tomorrow you bend down to tie your shoes and boom! You’re now stuck in bed, no longer able to move.
7. Welcome to adulthood: You now wake up early in the morning.
Remember how we used to judge our parents and grandparents for always waking up very early in the morning? I finally found out why they did it: To pee.
8. Welcome to adulthood: Your body is now crispy.
People can tell how old you are by the way your body now sounds when you stand up. Your entire body cracks like a glowstick when you move. Hurray!
9. Welcome to adulthood: People your age are now old.
People your age look so terrible and old! It’s so awful when you see an old person on the street and realize they’re your age. Yikes! But it’s ok, you look so much younger.
10. Welcome to adulthood: You see things differently.
You know you’re an adult when you start seeing things differently and you realize you may need glasses. I can’t even watch TV without my glasses nowadays. It’s terrible.
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