The funny 2021 Horoscope is here! Have you set your New Year’s resolutions? Of course, you have! Here’s what each sign has planned for 2021 and how things are going so far!
1. Aries
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be the sexiest person in the world. Wow, it looks like you’re already nailing your New Year’s Resolution! So smart of you to choose something you already have!
2. Taurus
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Party all year. And you’re nailing it! You’ve been dancing non-stop for four days, and it’s a miracle that you’ve still got booze in your fridge! We get it. We’re all excited about 2021.
3. Gemini
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Finish more books. In 2020, as you’ve spent a lot of time at home, you’ve managed to finish hundreds of books! And that’s impressive! Your coloring gets better and better, so keep up the good work!
4. Cancer
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Follow your childhood dream. So far, everything looks good. You’ve remembered what your childhood dream was. You’ve quit your job to pursue it. Now, all you need to do is win the lottery and retire, so you can be a retired lottery winner like you’ve always wanted.
5. Leo
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be a better person. Sorry to say this, but you have zero chances of fulfilling your New Year’s Resolution. And that’s because it’s impossible to become a better person when you already are THE BEST.
6. Virgo
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Pull more pranks. Until now, you showed up in your underwear at the Zoom meeting, you filled a mayo jar with vanilla pudding and ate it in front of your coworkers, and you made prank calls to all your contacts. But this is just the beginning!
7. Libra
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be more spiritual. And by that, you mean drink more spirits like vodka, whisky, rum, or gin. So far, you’re nailing it! There’s no way you won’t fulfill your resolution.
8. Scorpio
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Eat healthier food. You’ve already broken your promise to quit eating junk food when you saw a bag of chips at the store. Then, you noticed the cookies and the chocolate, so you gave in and called it a cheat day. Week. Month? We’ll see!
9. Sagittarius
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Spend less money on things you don’t really need. So far, it’s going well… You’ve already spent this month’s pay on tiny clothes for your cat, glow-in-dark pajamas, and an inflatable elephant, but those were all necessary. Obviously.
10. Capricorn
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be more charming. No chance. There’s no way you can get any more charming than this. It just wouldn’t be fair to the rest of us! You already are so great, and everyone loves you!
11. Aquarius
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Start each day with a morning run. No, no! I meant rum. Start each day with a morning rum!
12. Pisces
Your New Year’s Resolution is: Stop caring about what other people think. You’re going to nail it this year! You’ve already been out wearing your unicorn overall, flip-flops, and a tiara. And this is just the beginning.
If you enjoyed this funny article, check out some more awesome jokes and hilarious stories here.
We’d love to keep in touch! Follow us on our Bouncy Mustard Facebook Page and join our Smile While You Still Have Teeth humor group for more fun posts.
