The Funny Horoscope Is Here: What’s Your New Year’s Resolution, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Funny Horoscope NY Resolution

The funny 2021 Horoscope is here! Have you set your New Year’s resolutions? Of course, you have! Here’s what each sign has planned for 2021 and how things are going so far!

1. Aries

Funny Zodiac Aries

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be the sexiest person in the world. Wow, it looks like you’re already nailing your New Year’s Resolution! So smart of you to choose something you already have!

2. Taurus

Funny Zodiac Taurus

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Party all year. And you’re nailing it! You’ve been dancing non-stop for four days, and it’s a miracle that you’ve still got booze in your fridge! We get it. We’re all excited about 2021.

3. Gemini

Funny Zodiac Gemini

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Finish more books. In 2020, as you’ve spent a lot of time at home, you’ve managed to finish hundreds of books! And that’s impressive! Your coloring gets better and better, so keep up the good work!

4. Cancer

Funny Zodiac Cancer

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Follow your childhood dream. So far, everything looks good. You’ve remembered what your childhood dream was. You’ve quit your job to pursue it. Now, all you need to do is win the lottery and retire, so you can be a retired lottery winner like you’ve always wanted.

5. Leo

Funny Zodiac Leo

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be a better person. Sorry to say this, but you have zero chances of fulfilling your New Year’s Resolution. And that’s because it’s impossible to become a better person when you already are THE BEST.

6. Virgo

Funny Zodiac Virgo

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Pull more pranks. Until now, you showed up in your underwear at the Zoom meeting, you filled a mayo jar with vanilla pudding and ate it in front of your coworkers, and you made prank calls to all your contacts. But this is just the beginning!

7. Libra

Funny Zodiac Libra

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be more spiritual. And by that, you mean drink more spirits like vodka, whisky, rum, or gin. So far, you’re nailing it! There’s no way you won’t fulfill your resolution.

8. Scorpio

Funny Zodiac Scorpio

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Eat healthier food. You’ve already broken your promise to quit eating junk food when you saw a bag of chips at the store. Then, you noticed the cookies and the chocolate, so you gave in and called it a cheat day. Week. Month? We’ll see!

9. Sagittarius

Funny Zodiac Sagittarius

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Spend less money on things you don’t really need. So far, it’s going well… You’ve already spent this month’s pay on tiny clothes for your cat, glow-in-dark pajamas, and an inflatable elephant, but those were all necessary. Obviously.

10. Capricorn

Funny Zodiac Capricorn

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Be more charming. No chance. There’s no way you can get any more charming than this. It just wouldn’t be fair to the rest of us! You already are so great, and everyone loves you!

11. Aquarius

Funny Zodiac Aquarius

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Start each day with a morning run. No, no! I meant rum. Start each day with a morning rum!

12. Pisces

Funny Zodiac Pisces

Your New Year’s Resolution is: Stop caring about what other people think. You’re going to nail it this year! You’ve already been out wearing your unicorn overall, flip-flops, and a tiara. And this is just the beginning.

If you enjoyed this funny article, check out some more awesome jokes and hilarious stories here.

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