The Funny Horoscope Is Here: How Much Money Will You Have In 2021, According To Your Zodiac Sign

The funny 2021 Horoscope is here! Let’s see if you’re going to get rich in 2021!

1. Aries

In the beginning, 2021 doesn’t seem to look very good for you, financially. But then, as you walk to the market because you can’t even afford the bus, you notice a black leather bag hidden in the bushes. You open it, and to your surprise, it’s filled with money! You decide not to spend it all at once to avoid drawing any suspicions, but you start buying coffee from Starbucks, which flags the FBI. To avoid losing all your money, you buy an exotic island, move there, and drink Pina Coladas all day.

2. Taurus

The beginning of 2021 is a little rough because you still have to pay for the Christmas presents you bought with money you didn’t really have. Just when it seems things can’t get any worse, your hamster dies, and now you have to bury it in your back yard. While digging, you hit something hard, and shockingly, it’s an old box. You open it, and it’s a treasure that’s worth millions of dollars!

3. Gemini

After ‘investing’ all your money in an MLM business idea your cousin told you about, you become very poor and sad. One day, when you go jogging because you can’t even afford to go to the gym, you find a coin. You decide to reinvest it and go to the casino, where you win back everything you lost. Sadly, your MLM cousin hears about it and convinces you to ‘invest’ even more. Family…

4. Cancer

You start the year with a lot of money because unlike others, you were too cheap to buy Christmas presents for your friends and family. Since you decided to place a bow on your head and sit under the Christmas tree as ‘a gift for your loved ones’, your finances are great! However, in 2021 you spend all your money on things you don’t really need, like running shoes, a tiara, and a stationary bike.

5. Leo

Wow, you have a lot of money in 2021! You inherit a fortune, and you get to move into a castle. As you start living the life everyone dreams of, things start to suck. Your friends no longer visit you because you live too far, and your castle is on a freaking hill no one wants to climb on foot. Relatives you’ve never liked start calling you every day to see how you’ve been, and that really ruins your mood. You think about selling everything, but then you lay down in your gold bed and forget about it. Being rich is nice.

6. Virgo

2021 is a good year for you financially. You have so much money you can afford to buy your coffee instead of making it yourself. You have so much money, that when you go to the store for bread, you can pick the expensive kind and no one yells at you when you get at home. You have so much money, that if you see a quarter on the sidewalk, you don’t even pick it up. It’s a good year for you. I’m gonna call you to borrow money.

7. Libra

If 2020 was a bad year for you, financially speaking, 2021 is not so very different. However, you have enough money to travel as often as you want: from your bedroom to the living room, from the living room to the kitchen, and sometimes, even to the supermarket. You’re lucky! I can’t even afford to leave the house!

8. Scorpio

2021 is a great year for you! Since you never left the house in 2020, you didn’t see any nice shoes in the store window and got to save a lot of money. Now you’re so rich, you can afford not to cook, ever again. You’ll spend it all on pizza and chicken wings.

9. Sagittarius

You’ve started this year with a nice amount of money in your pocket because you were wise not to spend any on Christmas gifts for your ungrateful friends who always bring you crappy presents. Wise as you are, decide to invest it and multiply it. You invest all your money in an ice cream shop, which eventually goes bankrupt because you eat all the ice cream without paying.

10. Capricorn

2021 will be a good year for your wallet. You have plenty of money to buy anything you want, after suing your neighbor for breaking your leg on his lawn. You decide to make an investment in the most valuable thing there is: happiness. So, you spend all your money on wine.

11. Aquarius

2021 is the year you finally decide to take your financial future into your own hands. You take all your savings and invest everything you have into lottery tickets. The good news is you win! The bad news is you can’t do much with $4.

12. Pisces

2021 is the year you become richer than you’ve ever imagined. You start a YouTube channel where you post videos of you painting your toenails, and it becomes very popular.  With billions of views and millions of fans, you become not only very famous but also very rich. You no longer have to go to work, you can buy everything you want, and start collecting live wild animals out of boredom. That turns out to be illegal, and you end up in jail.

If you enjoyed this funny article, check out some more awesome jokes and hilarious stories here.

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