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Getting Ready For The Holidays In Five Easy Steps

Funny guide for the holidays

Have you started the preparation for the Holidays? Here’s a short guide I made, based on what’s usually going on at my house this time of year.

STEP ONE: The cleaning

1. While relaxing with a glass of wine on your couch, think to yourself: “I should do a more thorough cleaning this year” since I have the time. 

2. Do nothing until there are only three days before Christmas.

3. Take out all your stuff from closets, cabinets, and drawers.

4. Make a huge mess.

5. Ask yourself: “What have I done?”

6. Cry.

STEP TWO: Decorating

1. While relaxing with a glass of wine on your couch, think to yourself: “I should do something different this year since I have the time.

2. Search the internet for interesting DIY ideas.

3. Spend a ton of money on crafting supplies.

4. Make a huge mess.

5. Remember that you’re not really a crafter.

6. Start drinking.

STEP THREE: Buying presents for everyone

1. While relaxing with a glass of wine on your couch, think to yourself: “I should buy presents for everyone.”

2. Search the web for gifts.

3. Realize you’re poor because you’ve spent a lot of money on ribbons and glue.

4. Decide to give everyone something handmade.

5. Remember that you’re not really a crafter.

6. Start drinking.

STEP FOUR: Cooking

1.  While relaxing with a glass of wine on your couch, think to yourself: “I should cook the traditional Christmas dinner since I have the time.”

2. Very important: Don’t get anything done before Christmas Eve.

3. Send your husband shopping for ingredients. Check what he’s bought. Send him back. Repeat.

4. Start cooking three recipes at once, like a professional chef.

5. Make a huge mess.

6. Remember that you’re not actually a professional chef.

7. Ask yourself: “What have I done?”

8. Start drinking.

9. Cry.

STEP FIVE: The Family Dinner

1. While relaxing with a glass of wine on your couch, think to yourself: “I’m never doing this again.”

2. Have your memory erased the second your family walks in.

3. Feel grateful they brought real gifts, as the kids weren’t happy about the DIY handmade photo frames you gave them.

4. Start drinking. 

5. Ask yourself: “How is it possible we still have wine?”

6. Eat until you can no longer move.

7. Tell everyone: “We should totally do this again next year!”

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