It’s all about self-care.
Stay away from the people who disrupt our inner peace!
For too many years, I have put up with people who brought nothing but misery into my life. Because they were family, old friends, or coworkers. We all have a special someone who’s disrupting our peace, and we allow them because we have to.
Often referred to as toxic, these people go the extra mile to bully and belittle you, disrespect you and your time, and use, hurt, or manipulate you. Why? Is it because they’re pure evil? Is it because they’re mentally disturbed? Maybe. But the real answer is: because you allow them to.
Your anxiety goes through the roof when they’re around, you cry yourself to sleep because of them, and it physically hurts to be around them. Yet, you still pick up the phone when they call. You still drop everything when they demand it. You still put up with them.
I have to, they’re family. We work together, what else could I do? I’m her only friend, I have to. But what about your inner peace?
Life is too short to spend it around people who make you miserable.
If you found out today that you’ve only got one month to live, would you still do it? Would you give up a precious day to serve someone who constantly hurts you? Would you still put up with their abuse and disrespect? Or would you tell them to get lost?
All of us, without exception, would spend that last month with the people we love the most. The toxic people in our lives could call us forever, and we’d rather let the phone explode than answer their calls. They could cry, lie, guilt trip us, and we’d tell them straight up to get lost.
(One time, on the day after chemo, a beloved family member of mine blackmailed me to get up the bed and go solve their issues, as it was urgent, and they couldn’t leave the house because they were scared of covid. “We’re family, you have to help.”)
So, why wait until we only have one month to live? Why don’t we cut ties with these people today?
We allow people to hurt us because we're too scared to cut ties.
When asked why, our answers sound like this: Because they’re family ; He’s my husband, what else can I do? ; I work with her, I have to see her every day. ; She’s my oldest friend, I have to!
But the real reason behind these excuses is fear. We are scared of confronting them. We fear what might come after cutting them out of our lives. How will they react? Will they seek revenge? It’s easier to make them happy and enjoy the days when they’re not around.
But you deserve better.
You deserve the best. You deserve peace. You deserve to be loved. And you are worthy of respect. If the people around you are incapable of giving you the best, then you need other people around you. Period.
For too long, you’ve been treated like your time, space, and wishes don’t matter. For too long, your boundaries have been overstepped. For too long, you’ve used excuses to allow them to hurt you.
It's time to cut ties with the people who mistreat you, no matter who they are.
The hardest thing to do is to distance yourself from family members. You love them, they’ve been part of your life forever, and they’re family… you share the same blood. But, you see… love never hurts.
If someone says they love you, but they purposely hurt you, that’s not love. If someone’s presence makes you anxious and fearful, that’s not love. If someone disrespects you, your time, and your space on the excuse that they’re family, that’s manipulation. And it has nothing to do with love.
Love, friendship, and family are the most sacred things in this world. And they should never hurt. On the contrary, they should heal and feel like home. And if they cause you emotional distress, they’re not real.
It takes strength.
Avoiding these people is not a sign of weakness, but on the contrary, a sign of strength. When you finally cut ties with toxic people it shows that you found the strength to take care of yourself. You were strong enough to say NO for a change. You faced your fear and moved forward, even though you knew you’d be the subject of their gossip and lies. You were wise enough to know they wouldn’t change, and you were brave enough to put yourself and your paces first.