Here are some funny facts about online shopping I’ve learned this year.
This year, I’ve been trying to convince my family and friends to switch to online shopping, because I find it so much safer. And I think it’s a lot more convenient to stay in your pajamas all day, order your stuff online, and just wait for everything to be delivered at your door.
No more putting on make-up, and wondering what to wear. No more avoiding that girl from high school who talks too much, laughs too loudly, and always asks inappropriate questions like “is that your kid?”, “are you drunk?”, or “were you sniffing on that deodorant?”.
1. Unlike traditional shopping, online, no one frowns upon you shopping in your pajamas with a glass of wine in your hand.
2. You don’t need to go get another cart when there’s no more room in this one.
3. When your stuff is delivered is like getting a present from you to you.
4. You can’t get banned from online stores for rearranging the items.
5. When you shop online, you have fewer chances of running into people you don’t like, like your Ex, or your Mother-in-Law.
6. Online shopping is better than traditional shopping because it gives you a reason to live for the next 3-5 business days.
7. There are no idiots around when you’re shopping online.
8. Unlike traditional shopping if your kid throws a tantrum while you’re shopping online, you can ignore them and successfully pretend they’re not yours.
9. Online you can buy a full cart of alcohol, and no one will beat an eye! What? If another lockdown begins, I must be prepared.
10. If no one sees you shopping online at 2 AM, are you really spending too much money on shoes? I believe not.
11. Never buy pets online while you’re drunk.
12. I prefer online shopping because you don’t have to answer stupid questions like “Where are your pants?”, “Why are you drunk?”, or “Ma’am, is that your kid?”.
13. While shopping online, you don’t have to pretend you’re thinking about it when you see the price of something that’s way too expensive.
14. The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your purse.
15. I shop online. Because I’m too pretty to have to look for a parking spot.
16. I’ve learned that you can but things you don’t really need online, too.
17. Spending half a grand while shopping online? No problem. Paying the extra 15.00 shipping charge? Not today.
18. One of the secrets for a happy marriage is your husband not being at home when all your online orders arrive.
19. You know how sometimes you go to the store to buy milk and come out with wine, a box of chocolate, ice cream, a six-pack of beer, and potato chips? Yeah, that can happen online, too.
20. I’m not saying I do a lot of shopping online, but one day I didn’t order anything and the delivery guy knocked on my door to see if I was OK.