The funny Christmas Zodiac is here! Let’s see what your holiday plans are!
These days, when someone asks me what my holiday plans are, they’re usually joking. Because I’m obviously staying at home since there’s still an apocalypse going on outside. But that’s not so bad. We’ll still have presents, plenty of food, good wine, and the family together. Wanna find out what you will be doing for Christmas? Check out the funny Christmas zodiac and find out:
1. Aries
You’ll be spending Christmas at home, in your pajamas, because your jeans no longer fit, as you’ve been eating a lot of chocolate lately. This will be your favorite Christmas because you can finally not wear pants at the Christmas dinner.
2. Taurus
You’ll spend this Christmas with your best friend. The two of you will drink all the eggnog and dance to Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You”. No one complains for the first 2 days until you lose the pants and move the fun out on the porch.
3. Gemini
This year on Christmas, you smoke something funny and get visited by a bunch of ghosts who take you on some weird trips in time. You have an epiphany, and decide to quit your job and follow your lifelong dream of becoming a ballerina.
4. Cancer
This year hasn’t been a lucky one for you, so you decide to buy a lottery ticket for the Christmas lottery draw. You win, but your life doesn’t change that much, because let’s be honest, $4 is not a lot of money. Even though you don’t become rich, you spend Christmas with family and friends, which is all you could ask for.
5. Leo
This Christmas you’ll barely have any time for festivities, as you’ll be very busy opening presents. You’ll unwrap a huuuge TV, a new phone, new clothes, and the shoes you’ve been dreaming about since last year. Too bad they won’t let you take your gifts out of the mall without paying for them first.
6. Virgo
A day before Christmas, you’ll wake up very early in the morning with a crazy headache and a terrible hangover. As you wash your face and brush your teeth, an angel appears to you and tells you that you’ve just been chosen as the new Santa Clause. Long story short, just when you thought you’d enjoy your vacation, you find out that you’re working on Christmas. Bummer.
7. Libra
This Christmas you’re going to travel a lot. You’ll make several trips between the bedroom and the living room, and many short journeys from the couch to the fridge, to refill your cookies plate. Some people will drop by your house on Christmas Day. This will be a little annoying, as you’ll have to get off the couch to switch off all the lights and pretend you’re not home.
8. Scorpio
This Christmas you will go through a huge disappointment as you find out that Santa Claus isn’t real. You throw a tantrum at the family gathering and try to fight everyone who says Santa doesn’t exist. Things escalate when they tell you about the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, someone calls the police, and you end up spending a night in jail.
9. Sagittarius
This Christmas you drop everything, you quit your job, and leave all your life behind you, to pursue your childhood dream of becoming a professional caroler. You go touring on your street hoping to become rich, but you only make the $5 your spouse gave you to shut up already.
10. Capricorn
This Christmas, as you have plenty of time on your hands, you decide to stay up all night and catch Santa Claus in action. You do, and he gets pretty upset, as he’s a rather private guy. He kidnaps you and takes you to the North Pole, which kinda sucks because you forget your jacket and your gloves.
11. Aquarius
This year, on Christmas morning, you’ll wake up, look out the window, and find a brand new, beautiful car outside, with a red bow on it and everything. Excited, you’ll run out, take pictures, cry a little, and even kiss it! This annoys your neighbor, who calls the cops on you for messing with his car.
12. Pisces
This Christmas, you win the lottery, become a millionaire, meet the love of your life, travel to Fiji, move to a mansion, buy a Ferrari, become skinny, get voted as the sexiest person alive, but then you wake up and realize it was just a dream.
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